How can I break the pattern?

To break the pattern, you will need to recognise that you need to break it, get support or follow the steps to break it, and want to break it. If you have been actively working on the pattern you want to break and noting down your answers, you will have the information you need to get yourself started and break your pattern. If you want to break you pattern and haven’t been asking yourself the questions honestly or noting your answers, then I suggest that you do this now.

Step 1 – Accept you need to break it and take responsibility for your pattern.

You likely have an awareness that your pattern isn’t working for you on some level. Look back to your answers on the origin or your pattern and how it became familiar. Is the reason you first did it back then and why you do it now the same? If not then is it truly helping you in your life? If they were the same then what new understanding or information do you have now that tells you that this pattern is now working for you?

You may now be coming to your own defence now, depending on the pattern in question, telling yourself that you only have this pattern because of someone else. You may blame them for your pattern. While other people often play a large part in the patterns we develop, as adults we are responsible for our own actions. We can accept their influence, but it is only when we accept our responsibility for our own lives that we can break patterns of behaviour.

By the way, accepting responsibility is not about blaming yourself either! It is not about falling into a pit of despair about how you have lived your life up until now. It is about recognising that you still have the option to choose what you do. You can choose to break the pattern.

Step 2 – Get your pay-off in a healthier and more constructive way.

Look back at what you wrote was the pay-off for your pattern. What do you get out of doing it? This is obviously an important need that you have and it needs to be filled. They key is to find a way to fill it that is in line with you values and goals in life. If you choose to fill these needs in a way that violates an important value, you will just be jumping from the frying pan into the fire!

How can you fill this need in a way that you would be truly proud of and that would support your growth as a person? It is important to start fill this need as soon as you break the pattern, if not before. As you fill this need in a healthier way, you may find that your desire to fall into your old pattern lessens.

Step 3 – Think about the cost

What has your pattern cost you up until now? Look at your answers again. Think of the cost as if it were an actual financial cost: If your pattern is costing you £X then would could you buy instead once you have freed up that money due to no longer paying for your pattern? In other words, what opportunities could it open to you? How could your life be different?

Step-4 – Do Steps 1, 2, & 3 on a daily basis.

Continuing to accept responsibility for your own actions, fill your real needs in a health way, and remember what the pattern costs you and what you will be able to do once you break it will keep you on the road to successfully breaking your pattern.

You may experience setbacks, you may not. If you do experience setbacks, then don’t dwell on it, learn from the occasion, and continue. Breaking a pattern of behaviour can be challenging and you might feel that you need some support in doing this. The 6 Step Coaching Programme can take you through these steps, in addition to helping you understand your personality and core values, (which provides you with valuable information to ensure your success).

If you would like a Free Consultation to discuss what you need the support with, find out how we would work together, and decide whether it’s what you need: Contact Me Now quoting  : Breaking Negative Patterns in the subject line.

I look forward to supporting you in your success!

Photo: David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net